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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Goodbye Preschool

When I walked into the preschool yesterday morning with my daughter, I told the director (who stopped me once again to talk about my daughter) that I wasn't bringing her back after this week.

You could actually see the relief flood into her face.

Then, she goes on to tell me that she still has that hair (in a baggie) that my daughter pulled from someone's head (um...why does she STILL have that?), and that she's already had to talk to parents about bald spots on their child's heads (which I looked for on Thursday, but didn't see). And then she followed that up with -"Oh, but I'm not trying to make you feel bad."

Really? You're not? Because what exactly is the purpose of telling me all this AFTER I've already told you I'm taking my daughter out?! What do you expect me to say or do? Am I supposed to thank you for this information? No, it only makes me feel worse about a behavior that I can't control by a two-year-old that can barely put two words together in a sentence!

No, I didn't say all that. I would have liked to, but my ability to face confrontation is limited to my family. (Sorry family.) I just simply told her to talk to my husband, because I didn't want to deal with it anymore, and that I needed to go.

But, see the more I sat in the waiting room of my doctor's office yesterday, the more I thought about what she said, and how "ambushed" I feel every single time I walk into that building whether I'm taking my daughter to school or picking her up. The whole ordeal was just adding stress, and who needs that?

I had assured this woman over and over that I disciplined my daughter at home (when she did this), and told her exactly what I did. I showed her and the teachers what I did. I told them I talked with her doctor. I stayed in my daughter's class and helped out (this year and last year). I listened to everything they said to me this year and the last few of months she went to school last year, and attempted to follow every instruction and request.

So, my question is -What else am I supposed to do?!

The bottomline is that I'm doing the best that I can, but I walk away from these moments feeling like a failure as a parent. I don't want her to hurt anyone or cause them to be frightened, and I don't want anyone to think she's being deliberately malicious. All I wanted was for them to work with us (like they said they would) and maybe leave a note in her bag for me to see about her progress. If it's getting worse, then -yes, let me know! But, the teachers say it's already getting better. Does the director stop and tell me that? No. That I could listen to. Instead, it's just rehashing of incidents last year or of the first day of school or that creepy bag of hair she carries around. It's all just a little too much for me.

So, after my doctor's appointment (which was largely in part due to some problems I'm having from stress in my life -not just from the school, but a few other things), I decided to go back to the school and pick up my daughter... for good.

I know that taking her away from the situation, isn't going to "fix" her problem, but I don't feel comfortable keeping her there. After Christmas, we may look for a different school for her to attend... or not... we'll just see.

I know that she'll soon grow out of this stage. Maybe she just needs to be with me right now.

I already feel better knowing I'll be with her.

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