Custom Search

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Good Intentions

Something's been bothering me.

Yesterday, I ran into an old friend and her family at the baseball field. I hadn't talked to her in a couple of years. Not because I was mad, either. They had moved far away, and like many long-distance friendships, we lost touch.

At first, we sent emails, a couple of letters, even a phone call. (They were in England, so this was all much more expensive than just a call to another state.) Gradually, life and circumstances got a little overwhelming and things just slowed down.

I didn't mean for it to happen. Our computer completely died, I was dealing with a new baby (she was only 12 weeks when they left) and a son, our dog was beginning his downhill descent with a variety of problems, and other issues that I really don't want to mention. Like I said, life in general can be stressful, and other people can get lost in the shuffle.

It's not like I didn't think about them. I thought about them all the time, actually. But they were dealing with much, too, and in fact, had to move several times. So, I literally did "lose" them.

Anyway, we saw them yesterday. We hugged, but it was awkward. I told her things that were going on in our lives. She told me things that were going on in their lives. Even as we spoke, I could feel in her voice that she felt that I had let her down.

Then, she said it. She told me how disappointed and sad she was that I hadn't kept in contact with her. She had this look on her face and tone in her voice that made me believe we would never make this right again. She had a certain level of expectation that I honestly wasn't able to meet at that time in my life.

I tried to explain about the computer and feeling overwhelmed with the new baby, but I didn't get very far. I kept thinking - 'Does it really matter what I say at this point?' I said I was sorry, and that I meant to, but ...

Good intentions are not enough to keep a friendship alive.

My husband said that with guys it doesn't matter. Men may not see each other for years, then run into one another and pick up right where they left off. I guess with women, it's different.

So, now what happens? Is it possible to save a friendship after one person lets down another? I guess it depends on the people.

I guess I'll just call over the next week, and we'll see what happens.

1 comment:

crystal said...

First of all, you did the best you could. Part of me is a little surprised that your friend doesn't realize that. Maybe she does, on some level, but because she felt hurt, she needs to vent a little. I have a feeling that if you keep in contact with her now, she'll let this hurt go and the two of you can get back to where you were before.

Maybe part of the healing should be for her to acknowledge (at some point) that even though she was hurt, it wasn't fair for her to expect you to do more than you could do; and that making you feel bad about it is not really right, either.

Just my two cents ...

Beautifully written blog post - as always! :-)