It's a Bat, Man

I went into the garage to get a bag of frozen vegetables from the freezer, and notice something odd stuck to the baseboard. Fearing the worst, but still not sure, I poke it with an umbrella.

It's a bat.

It's an angry bat, actually. It let out a big squeak and bit the end of the umbrella. Keep in mind that I wasn't trying to hurt it, just figure out what it was and if it was alive.

Apparently, I must have screamed, because my son came running out.

Him: "What is it?"

Me: "We have a bat." (Remain calm... remain calm...)

Him: "Where? Where?" (Sees it) "Is it a vampire?"

(Ok... mentally reminding myself to have my son lay off the Scooby-Doo.)

Me: "No, it's fine. Just don't touch it."

He stares at it for around eight more seconds, gets bored, and steps back into the house.

I call my dad.

Me: "I have a bat in the garage. What do I do?"

Him: "Scream." (And then he chuckles to himself.) "No, just kill it."

Me: "I can't."

Him: "Well, you need to at least get it out of the garage. Sweep it out with a broom."

Me: "But it's raining. I hate to put him out in the rain."

Silence.

Me: "Never mind. I'll do it."

So, I open the garage door, grab a broom, and gently brush him out. He's biting the broom the entire time. Then, I stand out in the rain and try to decide where to swish him.

Before I know it, out pops my son and daughter. My daughter has no shoes on, and she starts running around in the puddles on the driveaway. I'm still frantically trying to push this bat somewhere out of the rain, but safely away from us. I yell to my son to please take his sister's hand and walk her back in the garage. He's yelling back to me to get some gloves on and just pick the bat up and move it.

Um...no...

Meanwhile, a couple of our neighbors drove by. They actually slowed down a little. I can only imagine what they were thinking --

"What in the world is that crazy hillbilly doing now? She's sweeping the driveaway in the pouring rain and letting her toddler run around with no shoes on."

They're probably having a meeting now, trying to decide the best way to get us out of the neighborhood.

Anyway, I took the bat to safety, and got us back inside the house. My husband came home and "took care of it" (whatever that means, and I truly don't want to know), so hopefully, that will be the last bat I see for a while.