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Saturday, February 28, 2009

Cleaning Out Closets

I have begun the task of cleaning out my daughter's closet. I'm giving away her old clothes to a friend that had a daughter in December.

I hate doing this.

No, cleaning out closets aren't fun. But it's more than that. I hate having to deal with the fact that she's getting older and bigger. I know it's a good thing, but it's also sad, too.

Plus, giving away her clothes means that I have -- without a doubt -- made up my mind to not have any more children.

I don't know how I feel about that.

Truly... honestly... I believe I'm done. Two is a good number for me. I just don't like having the decision so definite. As strange as it sounds, I like to keep my options open. I don't really want anymore... but... I like knowing that I could... (Does that make any sense?... Probably not.)

Don't get me wrong, it was hard putting my son's clothes away... because it also meant that he was getting older, and sometimes I missed those little baby days. But the clothes went into the garage. I was pretty sure that another one was coming at some point in our lives.

The bottom line is that I feel like I'm mourning the loss of another stage in my life. I know that there's plenty left for me, of course. But that's been a big stage... a hard stage... but very important to me.

I guess I'm just being sentimental about it. I'm sure that next week after my daughter get's yet another sucker caught in my hair, or my son calls me a "butthead", then I'll be more sure I'm making the best choice. :-)

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